Wingnut World

So, back before there was a Super Walmart on every corner, especially one within reasonable driving distance of Brentwood TN, there was the store all high school girls frequented for their discount shopping needs: Target. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Target, what's so special about Target?" Where else can you buy cd's, flip flops, candy necklaces, tank tops, candles, earrings, and spaghettio's? Okay, Walmart. But there was no Walmart in Brentwood. So we frequently spent Friday nights wandering about Target finding ways to spend our Daddy's money on these 17 year old essentials. As I grew and went to college, conveniently there was a Target right next to OSU's campus. No Walmart for miles. Just Target. Again, much of my hard earned minimum wage was spent in trips for simple things like hangers. No, a girl needs much more than hangers. She needs tee shirts, matching watermelon cups and bowls, bean bags, dry erase boards, chips and salsa, greeting cards, and flip flops. It's impossible to walk out of the place for less than $50! No matter what you're going for!

So yesterday Andy says, "Hey, while you're out doing errands, can you get me some jockey shorts?" After clarifying that he meant boxer briefs for sports purposes, I swung on over to Target here in State College. It's right down the road from Walmart, but that's neither here nor there. I don't like Walmart. I get lost. And I miss the pretty red decor. But I digress.

So I went in with the specific purpose to get the boxer briefs, and while I was at it a much needed tablecloth for my dining room table. Mistake #1: I slowed down at the entrance when I saw the dollar deal shelves. NEVER STOP AT THE DOLLAR DEAL SHELVES. Four bamboo placemats with matching coasters, one pair of green flip flops, three painted pail planters, and a packet of cat grass seed later I had finally walked more than ten feet from the door. And that was with extreme will power against buying the brightly colored chips and salsa bowls.

Then, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and walked directly past the women's clothing and lingerie section all the way to the back of the store. As I was turning the corner I saw the men's. Hoorah! Temptation averted. Found Andy's underwear, and went to make my way out of the store. That is when all hope was lost. I was immediately greeted by the shoes. Then the kitchen and bathroom decor, then cleaning supplies, then garden, then electronics, then pharmacy. AHHHHHH! Potting soil, two cd's, comet, clorox disinfecting wipes, chapstick, table cloth. Your total comes to $84.22.

Damn you evil Target! So what if I now have a stylish Asian inspired dining room and quaint little herbs growing in my window!? I still have not defeated the heroin that is Target!

So tonight Andy says, "These briefs don't fit, I need a different size." I made a list this time. We stuck to the list with the exception of matching napkins for my tablecloth, four more bamboo mats with coasters, and gum. Your total comes to $61.89. HOW DO THEY DO IT?!

I'm on a self-imposed Target ban for the next month. Please, if you suspect that I may have been to Target or am close to going, STOP ME!